When I’m single, I rarely feel alone. Now that I’m a part of a couple, I feel lonely. I guess alone and lonely are two different things. If I really think about it, the reason I feel lonely is because I wish I was able to spend more time with the guy but our schedules don’t really allow it. And if it was bad before, it’s about to get a lot worse… now that I’m going to be working a 9 to 5 grown up job and he works all day, every day, we are going to have even less time for each other. I feel miserable when I think about it. And spending a completely amazing 24 hours together makes it that much harder not knowing when I am able to see him again for anything longer than an hour or two before we both crash and fall asleep.
How do long-distance couples do it? I guess, in essence, we are a long-distance couple…which has its positives and negatives. My major gripe with the long-distance thing is that the guy isn’t very chatty on the phone. He wants the basics and doesn’t understand why I like to hear about his boring day. And in reverse, he doesn't understand my constant need for communication.
Alright, I am exhausted and I start my new job at Climb bright and early tomorrow morning. eek.
There is something about the presence of a cat…that seems to take the bite out of being alone. –Louis Camuti
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
eek.
Many of you are wondering what happened last week with my revolving relationship status, so I will give you a quick and dirty version of what happened:
FYI. I have a tendency to seek out things that are wrong or could potentially be wrong with any relationship I’m in. I am also very difficult to date and need a fair amount of attention. Jordan is a wonderful guy, but a poor communicator; he also works 10 plus hours a day--six days a week and is exhausted by the end of his day. So our time together is scarce.
Backstory. A couple of weeks ago Jordan and I had a conversation about our relationship and then had a very separate conversation about marriage and all of our friends getting married and having kids and whatnot. Well to me they were separate conversations. To Jordan, the relationship and marriage conversation were the same conversation. (Eek!)
Fastforward. Things are going really (really!) well with the minor glitch here and there. I wanted to have a relationship talk about finding more quality time together and to Jordan that sparked his fear that I was trying to trap him into a relationship that was quickly moving towards marriage complete with white picket fence and baby carriage.
So he jumped ship. He said he didn’t think we were in the same place and he wasn’t going to be there for a long time. He said he wanted to give me what I want, but he just didn’t think he could. Now what that meant to him and what that meant to me—completely different. So I said well if that’s what you want, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me; and then basically hung up on him. I thought he meant he didn’t love me and never would; and he thought I only wanted to be in the relationship if it was on the fast-track to marriage. He called me back about a half hour later and said he thought we needed to talk face to face. So I drove to his apartment. Where we discovered that neither of our communication skills were being successfully employed; at that point Jordan said he had made a “terrible mistake” and asked me if I could forgive him for freaking out and bailing on our first little bump in the road. I said that he needed to sleep on it and really think about whether that was something he wanted...
The Next Day. That evening we talked about a great many things and decided that neither of us wanted to break up. He was visibly upset with knowing how much he jerked me around emotionally the last 24 hours or so and is working to regain my trust and comfort level in our relationship—and I am working on not freaking him out with conversations about marriage or “the future.”
So this is the basic story. If this was just a little glitch in what turns out to be a long and fantastic relationship—then I am glad it happened early on. If I felt loved before, now I feel loved and valued in a way that makes me feel happier than I have in a long time.
There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. "
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
FYI. I have a tendency to seek out things that are wrong or could potentially be wrong with any relationship I’m in. I am also very difficult to date and need a fair amount of attention. Jordan is a wonderful guy, but a poor communicator; he also works 10 plus hours a day--six days a week and is exhausted by the end of his day. So our time together is scarce.
Backstory. A couple of weeks ago Jordan and I had a conversation about our relationship and then had a very separate conversation about marriage and all of our friends getting married and having kids and whatnot. Well to me they were separate conversations. To Jordan, the relationship and marriage conversation were the same conversation. (Eek!)
Fastforward. Things are going really (really!) well with the minor glitch here and there. I wanted to have a relationship talk about finding more quality time together and to Jordan that sparked his fear that I was trying to trap him into a relationship that was quickly moving towards marriage complete with white picket fence and baby carriage.
So he jumped ship. He said he didn’t think we were in the same place and he wasn’t going to be there for a long time. He said he wanted to give me what I want, but he just didn’t think he could. Now what that meant to him and what that meant to me—completely different. So I said well if that’s what you want, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me; and then basically hung up on him. I thought he meant he didn’t love me and never would; and he thought I only wanted to be in the relationship if it was on the fast-track to marriage. He called me back about a half hour later and said he thought we needed to talk face to face. So I drove to his apartment. Where we discovered that neither of our communication skills were being successfully employed; at that point Jordan said he had made a “terrible mistake” and asked me if I could forgive him for freaking out and bailing on our first little bump in the road. I said that he needed to sleep on it and really think about whether that was something he wanted...
The Next Day. That evening we talked about a great many things and decided that neither of us wanted to break up. He was visibly upset with knowing how much he jerked me around emotionally the last 24 hours or so and is working to regain my trust and comfort level in our relationship—and I am working on not freaking him out with conversations about marriage or “the future.”
So this is the basic story. If this was just a little glitch in what turns out to be a long and fantastic relationship—then I am glad it happened early on. If I felt loved before, now I feel loved and valued in a way that makes me feel happier than I have in a long time.
There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. "
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
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