It's time to get inspired, write down my goals, and share my progress. It's called 43 Things. Basically the goal is to list 43 things that you want to accomplish and then do those things. They can have a goal date or not, they can be personal or help to contribute to the greater good. Give it a try--finding 43 meaningful things to accomplish isn't as easy as you might think.
My 43 Things are:
1. Be able to do the splits (again)
2. Start taking a yoga class once a week
3. Open a savings account and actually save money
4. Keep a job for more than one year
5. Learn one new piano piece each month (0/12)
6. Exercise 30 minutes a day, everyday for 30 days
7. Start paying off my debt
8. Stop smoking--for good!
9. Buy a "new" car
10. Take an art class
11. Go to the Dentist
12. Take an acting class
13. Read one play every month (0/12)
14. Offer meaningful compliments to people
15. Remember other people's names and the details of their life
16. Take vitamins everyday for one month
17. Learn how to can applesauce
18. Save $3000 by my 25th birthday (10/29/2008)
19. Re-read the Hobbit
20. Learn to cook one meal from stratch really well
21. Go on a walk (outside) once a week
22. Write and send a hand-written letter once a month
23. Lost twenty pounds by my 25th birthday (10/29/2008)
24. Do not use computer for full 24 hours
25. Finish writing!
26. Learn to crochet
27. Go without TV for one week
28. Travel to Europe!
29. Move!
30. Go to at least three museums this summer
31. Learn how to read Tarot cards
32. Read ALL the books I own
33. Finish a 1000 piece puzzle (without help)
34. Use non-disposable grocery bags
35. Make donuts from stratch
36. Attend a sports game
37. Give a 100% tip for excellent service
38. Floss everyday for a week
39. Contribute something meaningful to a Wikipedia article
40. Identify 100 things that make me happy
41. Give up soda for one month
42. Blog everyday for one week
43. Hmm, I wonder where #43 went...?
Monday, April 21, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
I'm in a romantic comedy. Shit.
If you have a good thing going, you know it right? I think you would; unless the person in question is me. I have been aware of my self-sabotaging behavior for some time now, but have been unable to correct said behavior. Case in point, when I find a relationship that has true potential, I run the other direction. There have been (so far) two men in my life that I have fallen in love with. I was aware of the first, but the second didn’t hit me until I realized that he was potentially out of my life forever. How can this be, you may ask. Wouldn’t you KNOW if you were in love with someone? Perhaps a normal person would…but I realized the truth of it after the fact. Way after. And then I was too …mortified? proud? to admit my mistake. And then, what in bloody hell was I to do about it? Here I was in an entirely different relationship that I knew was bound for disaster when the reality of my situation hit. It’s like those goddamn bad romantic comedies where the two friends have a pact to marry on their 30th birthdays if neither one of them is yet married. One of them gets engaged and presto! The single friend suddenly says, “Wait a tick. I think I’ve been in love with you all along.” This happens all the time in the movies and I generally think, “Oh sure. Like THAT shit happens in real life.” Well, I’m here to tell you folks that I’m not so contemptuous of the premise of these movies anymore. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
In the book of life's questions, the answers are not in the back. --Charles Schultz
In the book of life's questions, the answers are not in the back. --Charles Schultz
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I need drama.
I find that the things that I need and the things I want are rarely one in the same. It’s a shame really. However, I think I should win some sort of prize for choosing what I want, when I should be choosing what I need. It always seems like a good idea and it seldom is. But that hasn’t stopped me in the past and I doubt it will stop me in the future. I think that many performers and artists choose this sort of life because it gives them a reason not to “grow up.” When it all boils down to it, actors are just playing dress up. They are pretending to be somebody else for other people’s enjoyment. Is that a general truth or just true for me?
That being said, I surround myself with performers, musicians, artists… I get bored with “regular” people—I need excitement, mystery, and drama—I need someone who is always “on.” There are, of course, obvious downfalls to this but try as I might, I can’t convince myself to settle for any less. …There is so much more I could write about this right now, but as it is, I have to be awake and functioning in less than six hours. Good-night.
Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong but we take leap after leap in the dark. –Agnes De Mille
That being said, I surround myself with performers, musicians, artists… I get bored with “regular” people—I need excitement, mystery, and drama—I need someone who is always “on.” There are, of course, obvious downfalls to this but try as I might, I can’t convince myself to settle for any less. …There is so much more I could write about this right now, but as it is, I have to be awake and functioning in less than six hours. Good-night.
Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong but we take leap after leap in the dark. –Agnes De Mille
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Limbo is for Bimbos
I’m blocked. I find it amazing how truly crazy and amazing and completely unreal my life can be and yet I can’t seem to find my story. I think I have my characters but I haven’t settled into voices for them yet, there is interesting dialogue but it’s going nowhere. I feel so close to fitting all the pieces together, but I’m not there yet. Frustrating!
I feel close to no one and nothing right now. I’m in some sort of bizarre limbo. Jane Eyre finished over the weekend and much to my surprise, I could hardly keep myself from crying during the final curtain call. And I wasn’t the only one. I can only imagine what it would have been like if I had been really close to my cast. That’s not to say we weren’t friendly and I did make some wonderful friendships with a few, but nothing to warrant the sense of loss laced with only a little relief. I spent countless hours a day, six days a week, for almost five months with this production, with this cast and crew. And after a while, it starts to feel like these people are the only people you talk to and spend time with… because they are! Sharing stories and book reviews and heartache and colds; laughing about mistakes we made on stage or strange sounds from an anonymous audience member. I love theater. I love theater and I love the people who make theater their lives. It takes a different kind of person to choose this life and I can’t imagine doing anything else that would make me a half as happy.
The fantastically talented late Ms. Wendy Wasserstein wrote the following in Isn’t It Romantic, “No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive; the trick is not to get frightened. There is nothing wrong with being alone.” I’ve reached the age where most of my friends are either a) married b) soon to be married, or the most frightening of all, c) having children. I am neither a, b, or c. And although I don’t care, there is a small part me that does care a lot. What does that mean exactly? Well, it means that with my quickly dwindling group of single friends, I feel like I should settle down (settle down or just settle?) and I should start to think about becoming an adult and raising a family and should this and should that. And of course, as many of you have experienced with your un-single friends, when they are in a relationship, they want you to be in a relationship too. Why is this? Are they concerned for your happiness and well-being? Or is it for more self-serving purposes; like they don’t want to move onto the next stage of their life ‘alone’? I feel that I’m not one (and have never been) to encourage anyone in or out of a relationship. I don’t feel that it’s my place. Hell, I barely feel that it’s my place to encourage myself in or out of a relationship. I want to stop worrying about some notion about the ticking clock of Mother Nature; and I certainly don’t want to worry whether I will ever find “the one.” If there is one person in my life who is going to complete me, who is going to make me a better person, a wittier person, a more accomplished person—that person should be me! Life isn’t about finding one person to spend the rest of your life with; it’s about finding people to spend the rest of your life with.
SALLY: Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like if I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything to me but a transitional man.
MARIE: OK, but don't wait too long. Remember what happened to David Walsaw? His wife left him and everyone said, "Give him some time, don't move in too fast." Six months later he was dead.
SALLY: What are you saying? I should get married to someone right away in case he's about to die?
MARIE: All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.
--When Harry Met Sally
I feel close to no one and nothing right now. I’m in some sort of bizarre limbo. Jane Eyre finished over the weekend and much to my surprise, I could hardly keep myself from crying during the final curtain call. And I wasn’t the only one. I can only imagine what it would have been like if I had been really close to my cast. That’s not to say we weren’t friendly and I did make some wonderful friendships with a few, but nothing to warrant the sense of loss laced with only a little relief. I spent countless hours a day, six days a week, for almost five months with this production, with this cast and crew. And after a while, it starts to feel like these people are the only people you talk to and spend time with… because they are! Sharing stories and book reviews and heartache and colds; laughing about mistakes we made on stage or strange sounds from an anonymous audience member. I love theater. I love theater and I love the people who make theater their lives. It takes a different kind of person to choose this life and I can’t imagine doing anything else that would make me a half as happy.
The fantastically talented late Ms. Wendy Wasserstein wrote the following in Isn’t It Romantic, “No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive; the trick is not to get frightened. There is nothing wrong with being alone.” I’ve reached the age where most of my friends are either a) married b) soon to be married, or the most frightening of all, c) having children. I am neither a, b, or c. And although I don’t care, there is a small part me that does care a lot. What does that mean exactly? Well, it means that with my quickly dwindling group of single friends, I feel like I should settle down (settle down or just settle?) and I should start to think about becoming an adult and raising a family and should this and should that. And of course, as many of you have experienced with your un-single friends, when they are in a relationship, they want you to be in a relationship too. Why is this? Are they concerned for your happiness and well-being? Or is it for more self-serving purposes; like they don’t want to move onto the next stage of their life ‘alone’? I feel that I’m not one (and have never been) to encourage anyone in or out of a relationship. I don’t feel that it’s my place. Hell, I barely feel that it’s my place to encourage myself in or out of a relationship. I want to stop worrying about some notion about the ticking clock of Mother Nature; and I certainly don’t want to worry whether I will ever find “the one.” If there is one person in my life who is going to complete me, who is going to make me a better person, a wittier person, a more accomplished person—that person should be me! Life isn’t about finding one person to spend the rest of your life with; it’s about finding people to spend the rest of your life with.
SALLY: Look, there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like if I met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything to me but a transitional man.
MARIE: OK, but don't wait too long. Remember what happened to David Walsaw? His wife left him and everyone said, "Give him some time, don't move in too fast." Six months later he was dead.
SALLY: What are you saying? I should get married to someone right away in case he's about to die?
MARIE: All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.
--When Harry Met Sally
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