i had no idea...

The longer I live, the more I believe that writing is a great tonic for my soul. There are some things you need to say, but sometimes you can’t bring yourself to eek the words out. And sometimes I don’t even know what those words are until I sit down to type it out.

Rehearsal was a moderate distraction for me. However, being that most of the show is fairly cathartic (read: depressing). It also seems that when you are in the middle of a break up every song on the radio seems to be about people who are happy and in love… and I was already hyper-emotional, so I wanted to cry most of the night. I did, in fact, tear up during the young Ebenezer and Belle scene when they break their engagement. I had to focus on the ceiling and think about neutral things like paper and such.

I had no idea I would be so heartbroken. Time to wash off what remains of my mascara.

If I'm patient the break will mend.

I don’t know how I feel about this. The boyfriend and I broke up… I guess. I guess we broke up because we aren’t in the same place emotionally. I guess we broke up because we’re so different. I guess we broke up because we don’t love each other… I guess. There a hundred reasons we broke up, but I can’t think of a single one. And there are a hundred more reasons we should be together, and I can’t think of a single one.

If I wondered before if this relationship was right, if he was right for me, if we had a real future together, I think I’m as close to answer as I’m ever going to be…. which is… I don’t know. I’ve been so pragmatic, always playing devil’s advocate with myself, asking if this is really what I wanted; for me, the idea of settling down is tempting, settling is not.

Can it be that I’m so terrified of truly committing to someone (or something) that I push and prod and persuade my way into a place where there is alternative for the gentleman of the hour, but to leave? Just another way of protecting myself from getting hurt? After all, if he does the actual leaving, aren’t I the victim? Or maybe it just wasn’t right. I still believe that everything happens for a reason—what other choice do I have?

NaNoWriMo

That’s it. I’m writing a book. Or screenplay…or something… I guess it’s a book since I’ve decided to join the National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. Basically whomever may join and “compete” with other around the country and around the world to complete 50,000 words in less than 30 days. I had a late start. As in, I joined today. But no fear! I already have more than 2,000 words… 48,000 to go. *Eek*

So I writing to let you blog-readers know and that will hopefully keep me motivated to not embarrass myself and finish the damn thing. Hopefully.

The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it. ~James Bryce

Separate but not Equal

*Sigh*

It’s November 5th and I couldn’t be more proud of my fellow countrymen. Proud AND relieved. One wants to believe in the common decency and humanity of the American people, but one has reason to worry…for example: the last eight years…

Growing up I was taught that America is the land of opportunity—not just for the white or the rich, but for the black, the brown and the poor too-- that America is a good and decent place where equality is a right and not just a lofty ideal. Last night was a historic one and renewed my faith in the common decency of Americans.

That being said, I am appalled by the ban on same-sex marriage in several states. Those people who believe that marriage should only be between a man and a woman or that “that’s the way it’s always been” should look back a few years to a time when the same argument could have been made against granting basic human rights to women, African Americans, Native Americans, Asian Americans… the list goes on. Using that argument against gays and lesbians isn’t any different –it’s just repackaged bigotry.

Here’s the thing about human rights—they are not a privilege, they are a right. And according to our Constitution, rights are supposed to be granted to everyone, even to the people you don’t like-- even when those people do things that may make you uncomfortable or you may feel is “amoral.” Who are you to decide what is right for your neighbor or your mailman or your coworker? So get off your moral high horse and for God’s sake, please keep your hate and your intolerance out of politics and keep it where it belongs, in the church.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake—you know, to send the right message to kids. --Bill Maher