so there it is.

And so there it is. I kinda, sorta, maybe laid out some disturbingly emotional type stuff to somebody today. And no, I did it the cheap and easy way, via the Facebook message. Ah yes, Facebook—you’ve made it so I don’t have to agonize over what to say face to face or over the phone. I just write what I feel and then *click* I send it before I even have a chance to second guess myself. So now it’s sent and I’m freaking out. Why? Well because it’s been almost 12 hours with no response. Ridiculous, party of one? Yes please! I don’t even know how comprehensible my email was. I wrote and re-wrote it so many times that I can’t even remember what I actually included in the message. I suppose I could go back and read it but that may mean total and complete mortification. I would rather just assume that he read it, he wants nothing to do with me, and that is the last I will ever have to deal with my feelings on the subject. (Not that that is a real option, but it seems easier to write that than, “…and then I will torture myself over everything I’ve done and said in the past couple of years to drive him away from me.” True, but very dismal.)

I also had an audition today that didn’t go well. Nothing went badly, per se, but it was just a blah audition. They weren’t impressed and I wasn’t either. But I have two more auditions this weekend for SPCO and History Theatre. I’m going to prepare a little better for these two and hopefully land myself another gig. That’s always the hope anyway.

My sister’s shower and bachelorette party and wedding are all creeping up on me waaay too quickly. I have a lot of ideas, but no solid plans. Eek! I’m terrible at these things. I operate well only when it’s crunch time; which isn’t usually the best when planning parties of this size. Which is why, IF and when I get married, I’m thinking elopement will be the best option for me and my nameless, faceless future husband.

I’m kind of tired now. I had quite a bit of drama today and need to wind down.

People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get what they want. --David Mamet