I don’t know how I feel about this. The boyfriend and I broke up… I guess. I guess we broke up because we aren’t in the same place emotionally. I guess we broke up because we’re so different. I guess we broke up because we don’t love each other… I guess. There a hundred reasons we broke up, but I can’t think of a single one. And there are a hundred more reasons we should be together, and I can’t think of a single one.
If I wondered before if this relationship was right, if he was right for me, if we had a real future together, I think I’m as close to answer as I’m ever going to be…. which is… I don’t know. I’ve been so pragmatic, always playing devil’s advocate with myself, asking if this is really what I wanted; for me, the idea of settling down is tempting, settling is not.
Can it be that I’m so terrified of truly committing to someone (or something) that I push and prod and persuade my way into a place where there is alternative for the gentleman of the hour, but to leave? Just another way of protecting myself from getting hurt? After all, if he does the actual leaving, aren’t I the victim? Or maybe it just wasn’t right. I still believe that everything happens for a reason—what other choice do I have?
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