I'm in a romantic comedy. Shit.

If you have a good thing going, you know it right? I think you would; unless the person in question is me. I have been aware of my self-sabotaging behavior for some time now, but have been unable to correct said behavior. Case in point, when I find a relationship that has true potential, I run the other direction. There have been (so far) two men in my life that I have fallen in love with. I was aware of the first, but the second didn’t hit me until I realized that he was potentially out of my life forever. How can this be, you may ask. Wouldn’t you KNOW if you were in love with someone? Perhaps a normal person would…but I realized the truth of it after the fact. Way after. And then I was too …mortified? proud? to admit my mistake. And then, what in bloody hell was I to do about it? Here I was in an entirely different relationship that I knew was bound for disaster when the reality of my situation hit. It’s like those goddamn bad romantic comedies where the two friends have a pact to marry on their 30th birthdays if neither one of them is yet married. One of them gets engaged and presto! The single friend suddenly says, “Wait a tick. I think I’ve been in love with you all along.” This happens all the time in the movies and I generally think, “Oh sure. Like THAT shit happens in real life.” Well, I’m here to tell you folks that I’m not so contemptuous of the premise of these movies anymore. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

In the book of life's questions, the answers are not in the back. --Charles Schultz