!*%&$*#(@)

So here is story all theater folk (and non-theater folk) can appreciate and fear all in the same breath. Let’s break this story down into GOOD and BAD…

GOOD: Artistic Director of theater calls me into “audition” to fill a role in a musical. I audition for said AD, the Musical Director, and Director.

GOOD: They love me.

BAD: Instead of asking me to be a part of the cast, they announce that I’m now a part of the cast and "go and get measured and fitted for a costume because first rehearsal starts in ten minutes…" I hear myself stammering, “Uh, okay” as I am led backstage to the costumer.

GOOD: The cast is very talented. First rehearsal is a mild success.

BAD: I’m in the ensemble. Now that’s not the “bad” part because I don’t mind ensemble work. I appreciate it on many levels. The bad part is, I have a teeny tiny ensemble role and the choreographer keeps choreographing tall guys to stand/dance/sing in front of me. So during the couple minutes of stage time I have, I’m staring at some guy’s sweaty lower back.

BAD: The Musical Director doesn’t like that I can’t manage to belt my vocal part over the 26 other people not singing alto. Apparently the decision was made that they would cast something in the neighborhood of thirteen tenors, ten basses, six sopranos and three altos…. are we being serious? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to ruin my voice belting over these people because someone chose to stage me behind Andre the Giant. Also, when I asked a question tonight, she banged on her piano and sighed heavily. Ok, so I guess I won't be asking any more questions...

ANNOYING: The SM is a poor communicator. 

GOOD?: There is a guy in the cast I have the hots for. It is possible that he is not gay.

BAD: I hurt my “good” knee at rehearsal last night because I was unaware that we would be dancing (see my previous gripe about lack of communication) and was wearing flat, unsupported shoes.

So where does that leave me? Befuddled and irritated. I don’t want to burn bridges by dropping this show—so I will stick with it—but next time when someone says to me, “Perfect! You’re in. Go down the hall to be fitted, rehearsal starts in ten minutes.” I will take a deep breath and say, “Thank you, but do you mind if I ask a few questions first…?”